Hari Malaysia. Just another day. Tapi hari ini aku menangis lagi. Dari petang semalam bawak ke hari ini. Aku tak tahu kenapa. Aku tahu kenapa aku sedih gila tapi aku cuba nafikan itu faktor utama aku sedih. It is a fact, I am just being in denial. Sudah berapa banyak movies aku dok tengok sejak malam tadi sampai lah tengahari ini. Still the sadness persists.
Semalam lepas attending pengumuman pilihan raya kampus, aku drove to PD. Just wandering aimlessly. Aku ok, Tapi bila balik rumah aku sedih balik. Then aku watched movies. Aku pun tak ingat apa movies yang aku tengok. Tapi pagi ni aku ingat judulnya "The Amazing Now".. argghh aku lupa,.. nope it was "The Spectacular Now". Pathetically, my now is not spectacular. There is nothing spectacular about my now. I went to bad really late yesterday, aku lupa solat Isha, then I woke up late too.. I should have gone to Amanah Grand Launching kat Shah Alam. Again, I blew up opportunities to meet important people over there. Again and again aku allow myself to be stupid.
Sedih sebab kena tinggal, Sedih sebab there are people who just can't wait. Can't wait for my big moments. Tak boleh tunggu this huge investment of theirs matures. Tak boleh tunggu. Can't you just wait and be here.. get here for me????!!! Aku cukup benci thinking as a victim of situation. However, I can't help myself from saying that people hanya mahu bersama sewaktu segalanya mudah, bukan susah. Perhaps it is an innate-character of human beings including me. I just hate this feelings. Since yesterday, I've shut all means of communication. No, I didn't switch my cell, I just refuse to open that Whatsapp.
Sedih over something that I shouldn't be sedih at all. Entahlah. Aku betul-betul penat sekarang. Penat being surrounded by people who do not know what is empathy. Penat dengan people who do not know how show empathy. Yeah. I am crying real bad now. I've been trying to be positive every in every single minute... nope.. in every single second. Tapi pada 15th September till now I just can't do that. Hati aku remuk.
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