Do things that make you strong

Ini motto that keeps on playing in my head lately. Menda yang buat aku lemah, aku avoid.... Satu lagi aku gradually have changed my definition of happy. 

No more I am happy when others happy or when others happy then I am happy... So, my emotion is not relied on others'. Kalau tak how do I spread happiness kalau sendiri punya emotion pun takleh jaga. 

Marah? dulu aku agak selalu tak tunjuk aku marah. Now no more, I show it. Emotions is God-given, therefore there's nothing wrong in expressing anger, rasa irritated.. annoyed.. 

Lately ramai yang aku annoyed with. Tapi aku takkan meroyan.. itu tak classy. Cukup sekali maki. Kalau mereka buat lagi. Maki lagi. Huhu.

I am sooo proud.. of kos with my self sebab stop smoking. Memang every now and then the crave came back but I just ignore it. Banyak duit save... tu paling important.. and rasa sihat. 

Ini pun part of me training to say no. Not only to others.. but to me... Say no to over-eating, say no to malas, say no to keluar lunch berejam.. huhu say no to lepak lama.. say no to procrastination... when I can say no to others.. I can say no to myself. 

Aku peratikan.. I've been a people pleaser dari kecik. At 40's aku rasa the time has come for me to really prioritize on me. Not saying to be selfish.. Tapi say no.. say no sebab aku tak mampu.. say no sebab mesti ada masa untuk diri aku sendiri.. say no sebab later aku yang ngadap sendiri.. say no sebab later it may become an issue to me. Aku remain the same me.. yang tak kisah and tak berkira.. tapi sekarang the wiser... and very firm.

Oh.. menda yang buat aku stronger. Solat, baca Quran.. balik kampung, swimming, read books, expressive.. especially here, travel.. and when I am able to say no... I feel empowered and powerful... 

Dulu aku akan rasa down... guilty.. Pelik, tak perlu rasa bersalah sebab setiap orang dah besar and pandaii jaga diri.. especially emotion. If you feel sad when I say no to you.. then, too bad lah sebab you tak pandai kawal emosi you sendiri... Aku sangat berterima kasih to few people in my life yang ada kalanya sangat tegas.. memang say no to me.. so, selain semangat aku sendiri yang mau begini.. I learn from them as well.. aku belajar kalau aku sendiri boleh accept their no dengan sangat jayanya.. You also can be like me.